Haven't we all at one time been in a movie theater when the film broke? One
moment we're caught up in the action and suddenly, there is no story on the
screen. Time out while the projectionist rethreads the rest of the reel. If only
life were like that. If only sudden interruptions could pick up where they left
off. But they can't always.
The birth of
a dead baby is a break in the action. The story is over. We get to say hello and
goodbye in the same breath. Instead of a bright future, all we're left with is
shattered dreams of what might have been. When the movie breaks we get our money
back. In real life when the "film" breaks we're given a fetal death certificate.
No baby to take home. No reward for the months of waiting.
No acknowledgement for our having given birth.
When we discover that what once lived within us is dead we want to run away. But
we can't, just yet. First we must deliver our baby, just like the mothers of
live babies do. We must endure the pain. Just like mothers of live babies. And
when it's over we get to hold our baby, just like mothers of live babies do.
But then we have to give our baby back and go home to an
empty nursery.
Contrary to what the pundits say, it is possible to fool Mother Nature. She
doesn't know our baby died, and so she dutifully produces milk to nourish and
protect that, which is no longer living. She knows we gave birth. We know we
gave birth. But the state says not. Stillbirth mothers
are not yet acknowledged as mothers by most states, but we're working to change
that.
Birth is a process that all mothers endure; live or
"still" is the outcome of that process. If we recognize a live birth,
why would the state not recognize a stillbirth? Is it to punish the mother whose
baby is born dead? Is she not somehow worthy? Did she fail somehow? That's what
she thinks. If we give a the mother of a live birth a "Certificate of Live
Birth" why would we not give the mother of a stillborn baby a Certificate of
Still Birth? Or a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. That's the
reality of the event!
All mothers give birth; only the outcomes of those
births differ.
To deny a woman a "Certificate" when she fails to produce a living child, is to
say that she did not give birth, which is not true. To deny a woman recognition
for this seminal event in her life is to deny the event occurred. To deny a
woman recognition is to tell her she is a failure. It is an open wound upon her
soul that will never heal unless and until her sacrifice is recognized; just as
live birth mothers are recognized.
On August 9, 2001 in Phoenix, Arizona, Sharon Arnold, wife of NSS Founder
Richard K. Olsen, and Joanne Cacciatore-Garard, founder of the MISS Foundation
and the author of the MISSing Angels Bill, were presented the first ever
Certificates of Birth Resulting in Still Birth to be issued in the United
States. The state of Arizona has led the way by acknowledging that these brave
women and others in the state gave birth, and that their daughters, Camille and
Cheyenne, though born still, did for one brief and glorious moment pass through
this world. Your state should recognize you and your babies too, because all our
children matter.
