Haven’t we all at one time been in a movie theater when the film broke? One moment we’re caught up in the action and suddenly, there is no story on the screen. Time out while the projectionist rethreads the rest of the reel. If only life were like that. If only sudden interruptions could pick up where they left off. But they can’t.
The
birth of a dead baby is a break in the action. The story is over. We get to say
hello and goodbye in the same breath. Instead of a bright future, all we’re left
with is shattered dreams of what might have been. When movie breaks we get our
money back. In real life when the “film” breaks we’re given a fetal death
certificate. No baby to take home. No reward for the months of waiting.
No acknowledgement for having given birth.
When we discover that what once lived within us is dead we want to run away. But we can’t. First we must deliver our baby, just like mothers of live babies do. We must endure the pain. Just like mothers of live babies. And when it’s over we hold our baby, just like mothers of live babies do. But then we have to give our baby back, and go home to an empty nursery.
Contrary to what the pundits say, it is possible to fool Mother Nature. She doesn't know our baby died, and so she dutifully produces milk to nourish and protect that, which is no longer. She knows we gave birth. We know we gave birth. But the state says not. Stillbirth mothers are not yet acknowledged as mothers by most states, but we're working to change that.
“We will recognize your baby’s death, but not its birth” is the message.
But how can that die which has not been born? How did it come into being? Did it ride a space ship to earth? Or did it arrive the way every other baby arrived, from the womb of a mother who conceived and delivered it?
Birth is a process that all mothers endure; live or “still” is the outcome of that process. If we recognize a live birth, why would the state not recognize a stillbirth? Is it to punish the mother whose baby is born dead? Is she not somehow worthy? Did she fail somehow? That’s what she thinks. If we give a the mother of a live birth a “Certificate of Live Birth” why would we not give the mother of a stillborn baby a Certificate of Still Birth? That’s the reality of what happened.
All mothers give birth; only the outcomes of those births differ.
To deny a woman a “Certificate of Still Birth”, when she fails to produce a living child, is to say that she did not give birth, which is not true. To deny a woman recognition for this seminal event in her life is to deny the event occurred. To deny a woman recognition is to tell her she is a failure. It is an open wound upon her soul that will never heal unless and until her sacrifice is recognized, just as live birth mothers are recognized.
On August 9, 2001 in Phoenix, Arizona, Sharon Arnold, wife of NSS Founder Richard K. Olsen, along with Joanne Cacciatore-Garard, NSS National Director and founder of the MISS Foundation, were presented the first Certificates of Birth Resulting in Still Birth to be issued in the United States. The state of Arizona has led the way by acknowledging that these brave women gave birth and that their daughters, Camille and Cheyenne, though born still, did for one brief and glorious moment pass through this world. Your state should recognize you and your babies too, because all our children matter.
DETAILS OF HOW ARIZONA DID IT
Last Updated
07/20/2006
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