Couple finds that something positive can come of tragedy

Maria Smith
Cumberland Times-News
March 28, 2007

They're finding ways to remember their stillborn child and help to save other babies

CUMBERLAND - Her closets and shelves are full of everything Jenna Grace could ever want.

Her pink piggy bank rattles with money and the diaper bag with her name on the front and a bone on the back embroidered in pink sits by her crib.

The pink, Hawaiian-themed nursery with partially pink walls and yellow flowers that her mom and dad lovingly - and painstakingly - spent hours preparing is ready.

Jenna Grace Bone, however, never slept in the solid oak crib her dad put together days before she was born, nor did she clutch her stuffed animals or listen to her mom read her a story.

On Oct. 26, 2006, she was stillborn - only seven days from what was to be her scheduled birth.

"We've thought, what would be worse - to have a child and lose her after getting to know her?" Jenna's dad, John, said. "We don't know. That probably would be harder than losing someone you never really knew."

The Cumberland couple, who already had gone through two miscarriages, have found talking about it helps them cope. They say they don't ever want to forget her nor do they want others to either.

"I may get teary-eyed but it's still OK," Jenn, who works at Atlantic Broadband, said.

The two, married nine years, also want to see some good come of the pain.

They've formed Jenna's Team - a team designated to raise funds for the March of Dimes through WalkAmerica.

"Our prayer is that no one ever has to go through what we went through," John, a Times-News photographer, said. "The March of Dimes is one of the leading researchers to save babies. If we help, people might not ever have to go through this."

Anyone is welcome to join the team; they don't even have to know the family.

John, however, encourages people to walk regardless of the team. For those who don't want to walk, donate, even if it's $1.

This year, walks will be held in Allegany County on April 21 at Rocky Gap State Park and in Garrett County in downtown Oakland on May 5. Walkers are encouraged to sign up through the Web site walkamerica.org.

Melissa Clark, division director for the March of Dimes - Western Maryland, said the organization does pay particular attention to stillbirths because it affects so many people. Data shows that stillbirths occur anywhere from 1 in 150 to 200 pregnancies.

The state's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene lists that Allegany County had four stillbirths in 2004, she said.

Pamela Ronan, the perinatal coordinator for the Allegany County Health Department, said guidelines vary per state, but in Maryland, a baby at 20 weeks who has no movement, breathing or respiration is considered a stillbirth.

In 1998, data showed 80 percent of the moms who lost a baby to stillbirth smoked.

Recently, the area is seeing a greater increase in drug use among the pregnant population, which has accounted for more miscarriages, stillbirths and abnormalities, she said. Many drug users also drink alcohol, increasing the risks even more.

Following a stillbirth, both the fetus and placenta are examined and an autopsy often is recommended. More than one third of all stillbirths, can't be explained, with bacterial infections or birth defects possibilities.

"I've always told moms that they can do everything right and have a bad outcome or do everything wrong and have a good outcome," Ronan said.

She also serves on the nationally funded Fetal and Infant Mortality Review Board, which looks at a number of issues to see what changes can be made.

In the last 20 years, stillbirths have declined nearly 50 percent, according to the March of Dimes.

The organization is credited with conducting research in the 1960s that found Rh disease, which means the mother and baby's blood are incompatible, was a contributing factor to stillbirths. Now, at 28 weeks, pregnant women who are Rh negative are vaccinated, and again after the baby is born if he's Rh positive.

Another initiative is "Kick Counts," which has mothers track how many times a baby kicks.

Starting at 28 weeks, once the mom eats a meal, if she feels the baby move four times, she can go about her regular activities, Ronan said. If she doesn't, she should drink a large glass of water and lie on her left side. If she still doesn't feel the baby, call the doctor.

For parents who suffer a loss, the March of Dimes has bereavement kits available at the Cumberland office located in the Smith building at the intersection of George and Harrison streets or via the Web site.

The Bones are looking to reach out in other ways.

The family is thinking about forming a support group for parents who have suffered a stillbirth. They didn't realize how many others had gone through the same thing until they were in the hospital and learned between eight and 12 occur locally each year.

Jenn, who said she couldn't get through the pain without God, has found solace by talking with other families online, especially with missingangel.org, which connects people from all over the world.

For more information about the March of Dimes, call (301) 722-3867 or visit marchofdimes.com.
 

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